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Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming:
"WOW, what a ride !!!"

Just when you thought you had all the answers, all the questions changed

I know that time keeps on slippin, slippin, slippin, but sometimes I just want it to Stop!

Man, I tell you what, lately my life has been like a 24 hour Plane Crash! Or at best, a controlled Explosion. Every answer I thought was right was usurped by a shape-shifted different question than what I thought I needed to answer. Ummm… Get me? I swear, I just had things pegged, knew what was up and had that good old happy-grip, but then…KaBloooiE!!! Everything I knew was Wrong! Can you hear the screeching sound of twisted scraping metal yet? Life got very weird… For example, a couple of old friends of mine started wigging out with out-of-the-blue lawyer induced hormonal tizzies, two of my best running race bikes started behaving like shit, the four batteries on my woods and street bikes all die at once and a 3.0 slide that I ordered for my YZ 250C months ago kept never showing up… 4 wasted Historic 250 Class races in a row! To top it off, my amazingly intelligent Border Collie decides to play Level-3 Mensa games with me while I’m in REM sleep. That’s just the tip of my last four score and what feels like my Tailor fitting me up with a Black Tie straightjacket.

Ok, we all know that Change is Time and Time is Change, but can’t we just Slooooow things down a bit in order to make life somewhat more cooperatively serene? I’ve had enough of the dithering jitters. Do we really need an all around challenge-change on an astrological schedule? I completely understand our chemical complexity, full moons and all, but help me here guys; What is the deal with human social interaction, the pull of the tides and two rainy days in a row that turns the Babe into a Bitch and the Prince into a Prick? Throw a Lawyer in there and you’ve got… well, the beginnings a great book of jokes. Can’t we all just get along? Perhaps not. Has anyone been reading the unofficial AHRMA board in the last few months? I’ll leave that one alone for now and just hope that the kids can play nice in their mud box.

A Week with the elegant Gracie

Thinking a brief vacation would ease the blitz; it didn’t, and I just about went crazy on my trip to Tucson with Hollingsworth. Seven days in a suburban flat with a gal Nigel sees on a regular basis. Her name is Gracie and she’s had more facelifts than Phyllis Diller. What a wacky chick. The best part is that Gracie owns a Hooter’s, so the free food and eye-candy made the week bearable. I did manage to strike up a friendship with a neighbor of hers and he offered up one of his KTM’s for me to ride throughout my visit. All was good until day four when while romping in the desert, I gullied and endo’d into a cactus. Damn! Gracie was kind enough to tweezer several hundred needles out of my right side and sop me up with witch hazel. That’ll teach me not to ride in a ‘beater’ and shorts… I was glad to make it home.

Back on the farm, my situation hits me like the hot kiss at the end of a wet fist. I need to schedule shoulder surgery. I see several of you raising your hands and I know what your going to say….Painful!!, I’ve talked to many of you who have been where I am now, so I am listening! One cool thing is that my surgeon, Dr. Cody, has taken his knife to Jeremy McGrath. So if Cody was good enough for him… I feel like I’m in good hands. We’ll see, but first I’m headed to the Great Northwest with Hollingsworth and hang with the VDRNW clan, catch a race at Woodland and attempt a good chill. The current weather forecast for Seattle is 52 degrees and rain as far as the eye can see. I love Mud! After that it’s a week in Hong Kong with Firko and P.J. Read… the fun never ends!

Ya know, with the Ego being the driving food for our autonomy it would seem that a diet of acceptance, forgiveness, and humble pie just might be the ticket to the fair. Now if I can only get the next series of answers to match the revolving questions… Oh heck, anyone up for some winter racing on a thin-iced lake?


P.S. Hey MC, Dr. Cody say’s Hi, and Dr. ‘D’, I haven’t forgotten the $125 I owe you!

Next Issue: Someplace between Nowhere and Goodbye


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